When You Just Don't Know

“Cody doesn’t know what Cody doesn’t know, and Kara doesn’t know what Kara doesn’t know.”

This statement from our premarital counseling is one my husband and I have repeated to each other more than a few times. Usually in the same sweet southern accent our counselor spoke it to us that first time. It’s an important reminder. That you can’t read your spouse’s mind, and they can’t read yours. So you have to use your words!

“Well, duh,” you might say. Until you find yourself assuming the worst about that thing your husband said the other day. Until you get upset because your wife didn’t respond to that subtle bid for attention you thought was super obvious… and then you decide they must not care. Am I the only one who’s surprised how quickly we go to those dark places? I think it’s because we all see the world through our own set of glasses, and we just naturally assume everyone else is wearing the same prescription we are. So if they don’t see what’s SUPER obvious to us, there must be something wrong with them. This is why my husband still has to remind me to use my words… because, “Cody doesn’t know what Cody doesn’t know.”

The only problem with this is, sometimes I don’t even know what’s going on inside me. I usually stumble around and eventually, after several attempts, make some sort of words come out of my mouth that hopefully make some sort of sense. Maybe. This is one of my biggest struggles in many of my relationships. With humans, you have to actually ask for the things you need, and not assume the other person just knows instinctively. I know it’s good for me to use my words, but it’s still hard. And at the end of the day, I often wonder if I’ve said the right words to make it clear, or if I’ve asked for the right thing.

And then there’s Jesus. The mind reading rules don’t apply to him. Sometimes we act like they do though. We’re afraid if we pray wrong, if we use the wrong words or ask for the wrong thing, maybe He’ll reject us. If it’s not good enough, will he turn away? What about when I don’t even know what to pray because I’m not exactly sure what’s going on inside of me? I have some really good news for you. And for me. No really, check this out. Even before I can get the words out of my mouth or even form a coherent thought, Jesus is setting His good plans in motion. And He knows exactly what I need.

I will answer them before they even call to me. While they are still talking about their needs, I will go ahead and answer their prayers!
Isaiah 65:24

It doesn’t mean I don’t reach out to Him, that I don’t pray for specific things and watch for His answers. It means when I do, I can be assured that He hears me underneath my words. He sees through the layers of confusion and complication that fog up my vision and make me feel lost. It means I don’t have to live in constant fear that I’m doing it wrong, and maybe He will reject me because I didn’t ask for the right thing in the right way, or somehow I missed the answer. Before I even call out, He is working. For my good and His glory.

Kara may not know what Kara doesn’t know, but Jesus knows it ALL.

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash