Weary

I have been one of those people that puts everyone before me. Whatever the cost may be, my heart is way too big. I feel like I pour out to everyone and I have no one pouring back into me. I cling to Jesus in hopes that He will heal me from the past traumas, but I continue to struggle. I feel like I’m chained to PTSD and emotions that I no longer want to hold onto. I’ve allowed people and circumstances to define who I am and expect that God feels the same. I’m in an unhealthy relationship that has just left me even more broken and I don’t know how to walk away because I’m too concerned about the way that he will feel and how it will affect him. I’ve asked God to let me die since I was 14 years old yet here I sit, 3 decades later trying to figure out why I’m still here. I just want to be set free. I want to know what joy feels like.