It's been almost 5 months since my last blog post. Strangely it's titled The Silence. I wasn't trying to be prophetic. I didn't intentionally set out to take a break from blogging, it just sort of happened. I was tired. Tired of all of the noise.
In my Bible between the Old and New Testament is one single sheet of tissue-thin blank paper. One page. I can flip past it in the blink of an eye, which is deceptive, because that single sheet of empty paper represents 400 years of silence. 400 years of wondering. 400 years of questions.
Three years ago I found myself sitting in my car in a parking lot on a Friday night. I knew I needed to get out of the car and go in but I was afraid. I was also desperate, and that night I let desperation win.
The ideal. It’s what we all long for, what we all plan for. We dream of falling in love with the ideal person and having the ideal marriage, with 2. 5 ideal kids and an ideal golden retriever, living in an ideal home with an ideal picket fence and ideal car parked in the drive way.
Jesus and Peter had many encounters involving water, boats, and questions. “Will you follow me?” Mark 1:17 “Do you trust me?” Matthew 14:29 “Do you love me” John 21:17 Three questions. Three encounters. Three defining moments in Peter’s life.
“There are no small parts, only small actors. ” Constantin Stanislavski I’ve been on both the receiving and giving end of that line. As a director I’ve said those words to many students who just found out they didn’t get cast as the lead and are feeling disappointment.
“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness. ” ― Anaïs Nin .
Can I be honest? It’s been a rough week. One of those “seriously if one more thing…” kind of weeks. It started out pretty subtle. A minor annoyance here, an unwanted thought there, but has continued to escalate to the point of a full out break-down with an ugly cry last night.
The first thing you notice about Jasmine is a smile that lights up a room and soft, welcoming eyes. But, sit down with her for just a few minutes and you’ll be surprised by the road she’s traveled.
My car was packed and loaded with teenagers, suitcases, snacks, and one mom who was so beyond ready to get out of town and head to a cabin in the woods for a few days. We were making good time with the cruise control set on 65 and gorgeous scenery rolling by outside of the windows.